Mother with enstranged Teen Daughter - New Zealand
My heart has slowly broken over the last year, my 15 year old daughter was informed by friends or school that legally once she turned 16 years old, she could legally do what she wanted.
Legally this is correct in our country (New Zealand), although we are legally responsible for her until she is 18 years old. Where is the sense in that law?
Keeping it in perspective, she was living in our home, we sent her to school, paid for the clothes, cellphone, food, school fees, sport fees, her horse, her medical care, her dental care, her art supplies....need I go on?
We had always supported her creative ans sporting interests, we had gone on family trips and holidays, she had always been allowed to decorate her bedrooms, She had a good life compared with many others. New clothes or 2nd hand ones she liked, always new school uniform, good shoes.
The tide just seemed to turn, as she had been told that legally at age 16 she could do what she wanted, she believed she could go to social services and get a youth allowance and move out of home, it all seemed to easy.
One day we discovered she had lied to us, it was quite clear to us, but she felt quite clever to think she had fooled the school and us with skipping the last class on friday, and went to a friends house where there were two boys, and they "hung out" for the rest of the afternoon. When I say she lied, she made a very great attempt at it, she had asked to go to the gym, but never went, and on the 30 minute car journey home, she explained in great detail what exercise she had done and what equipment she used, my husband said the lie was a impressive tale.
I checked her cell phone later that evening, (A phone we bought and paid the plan for), and found her lie, and her online activity, such as inviting a boy over for a naked shower, semi-naked photos of her self to a boy. A friend gave our home address to a boy to allow him to come over for a naked shower while we would be out for our son's soccer practice.
We removed the phone, but she had another secret phone, which we also removed, then she used a friends Ipod to still message these same girls and boys, that was removed, she offered another old Ipod to show she was honest, sadly that was not the case, as there was one more we missed. (this was over a 2-3 hour period) It was caught out the next morning.
A week later we returned her phone, with the camera disabled.....
but other students at school thought we were terrible parents and paid and provide her with more phones and devices, we knew but did not catch her out with any for a few weeks, we did not know what to do......
We explained cyber safety, but the teens think they are being safe, semi-naked photos are just flirting....
to be continued...
Legally this is correct in our country (New Zealand), although we are legally responsible for her until she is 18 years old. Where is the sense in that law?
Keeping it in perspective, she was living in our home, we sent her to school, paid for the clothes, cellphone, food, school fees, sport fees, her horse, her medical care, her dental care, her art supplies....need I go on?
The tide just seemed to turn, as she had been told that legally at age 16 she could do what she wanted, she believed she could go to social services and get a youth allowance and move out of home, it all seemed to easy.
One day we discovered she had lied to us, it was quite clear to us, but she felt quite clever to think she had fooled the school and us with skipping the last class on friday, and went to a friends house where there were two boys, and they "hung out" for the rest of the afternoon. When I say she lied, she made a very great attempt at it, she had asked to go to the gym, but never went, and on the 30 minute car journey home, she explained in great detail what exercise she had done and what equipment she used, my husband said the lie was a impressive tale.
I checked her cell phone later that evening, (A phone we bought and paid the plan for), and found her lie, and her online activity, such as inviting a boy over for a naked shower, semi-naked photos of her self to a boy. A friend gave our home address to a boy to allow him to come over for a naked shower while we would be out for our son's soccer practice.
We removed the phone, but she had another secret phone, which we also removed, then she used a friends Ipod to still message these same girls and boys, that was removed, she offered another old Ipod to show she was honest, sadly that was not the case, as there was one more we missed. (this was over a 2-3 hour period) It was caught out the next morning.
A week later we returned her phone, with the camera disabled.....
but other students at school thought we were terrible parents and paid and provide her with more phones and devices, we knew but did not catch her out with any for a few weeks, we did not know what to do......
We explained cyber safety, but the teens think they are being safe, semi-naked photos are just flirting....
to be continued...
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